it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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