do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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