Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We left the knife in your bed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
