hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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