after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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