absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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