So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I believe in your delicious
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
