I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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