Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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