It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
