the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
