writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize