remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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