Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
