Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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