i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
