so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
