I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
