i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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