in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
