I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
