He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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