come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
