i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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