I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
