I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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