Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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