he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
