he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
