it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
