Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
