I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
