my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
