At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
