YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
