i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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