I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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