i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
