I just saw a hot homeless man
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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