Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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