I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
