i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
