i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
