If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
