thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
