I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
is that a dick in a sweater?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
