Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
