I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
