That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I understand Curling. That high.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize