he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
