the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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