I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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