No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
