Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
