Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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