how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
