her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
