I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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