but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
