just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
