i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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