she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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