she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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