Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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