he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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