I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
